Saturday, April 30, 2005

Advice for prospective comedians

One of the very first things a person learns when they meet me is my name. Dave Doody. And almost every time, almost without fail, they will laugh. And hey, who can blame them? Doody is a pretty funny last name. I can understand that. So laugh away, ladies and gentlemen. By now, I'm used to it, I assure you. A little giggling is A-OK in my book.

But there is something else that people do that simply has got to stop. They try to make jokes. "Doody? As in Howdy-Doody? Whoa-ho-ho-ho! I bet you get that a lot!" Or "Like Doodypants, right? Ha!" and the big military favorite: "Boy, I bet YOU sure got messed with in boot camp! Private Doody!"

So I've got advice for you prospective comedians out there. A little "joke formula", if you will. If you can think of something funny to say about a person's name, profession, horrible physical defect, etc. within five seconds, it's probably been done to death already. Going against my advice anyway means that you are little more than a catfish in the great aquarium of humor, mindlessly feasting on the waste of others and being content to do so. If that's your choice, fine. But don't get butt-hurt when I look at you like a pair of testicles just started growing out of your forehead.

My real animosity is reserved for anyone who makes one of the aforementioned, weak-ass jokes while I am in uniform. You have no excuse. It's right there on my shirt. You've got plenty of time to come up with something a little more than creative than "Is Doody on duty? Ready to do his duty?" It wasn't funny twenty years ago when my Dad was in the military, and I speak with firsthand knowledge when I say the joke isn't aging gracefully.

Of course, Officers & Staff NCOs are exempt from all of this. "Yes sir, that's a good one, sir! Never even heard it before, sir! Very clever indeed! Quite the play on words!" I just haven't the heart to tell them that in spite of all the college and the shiny little rank insignia, they still ain't got it.

This post has been brought to you by Marines For More Creative Insults, and a dipshit captain in front of the PX. Sir, if you're reading this, I just want to say thank you for inspiring this weeks post. Your ability to inspire is exceeded only by your rapier-like wit.


Blogger PirateLad said...

Just a word of caution: If you try and be clever by posting a Doody joke, I will hunt you down and cut you.

I'm just saying.

6:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

try growing up with the last name that was pronounced "Where?" no, not even "Weare" It was "Wehr", said "Where?" Over and over and over...

There was my name B.Wehr, which I had a lovely tag at my first job that said that. "Beware!" hahahahahahaha!

oh yeah, and then my cousin, I kid you not, Della Wehr. Yes, and she DID live in Delaware. She moved out of state and got married as soon as she could!

Under Wehr

oh that was funny in first grade.

Doody on your uniform has to be hard. At least the tv show is off air and most of todays youngsters would not know whom Mr.Howdy was.

Remember also the governor that names his daughter "Ima".

Not so bad, but her last name was "Hogg"

4:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ever since Star Wars came out, what, 30 years ago...

I know exactly how you feel, Dave.

Luke T.

1:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LCpl Doody,
Are you ready to do your duty? Let's see if we can inspire a love of furniture in you. Come build me a dresser.
the dipshit Captain in front of the PX

11:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So has anyone ever made a "Doody" joke that was original or even funny?

8:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My last name's Imus. Yeah, like the radio guy. No, I don't know him! Hawhawhawhawhaw! Yeah, you're the first to make that connection. I KNOW! It's a rare last name, isn't it? Boy howdy, yeah, sure, we MUST be related somehow! Yay for Don Imus!

If it's not that, they're pronouncing it "Eeeeeee-moose," like I'm French Canadian or something. Bunch of god damn crap.

6:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, that last message was from me, Dave.

-Todd A.

6:52 AM  
Blogger Jesster said...

I took Greek in college and everyone always used to say "wow, that's all Greek to me!" Har har. I only had to put up with that a few years and I was ready to snap. Cheers to you for not going postal! :)

7:52 AM  
Blogger PirateLad said...

I think everyone that has ever been picked on because of their name should start a club. We'll hang out on weekends, make small talk, and plan perfect murders.

Any takers?

10:20 AM  

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