Monday, April 04, 2005

Ferris Bueller's Month Off

First thing first. I haven't updated in ages because the internet center here has been down. Due to a catastrophic fuckup in the Army, who is taking over this airbase, They decided after the last troop rotation that "Aw hell, we don't need to staff no darn interweb center." So be on the lookout for my next in-depth report: "United States Army -- Intentionally lazy, or just plain stupid?" I've already sent the manuscript to Newsweek. I should be a bona-fide published author soon.

Now for the other important thing: Packages. Holy shit, you guys are amazing. I am the unchallenged "Mail Whore" of 1st Platoon. I have gotten packages from a lot of people, and unfortunately, I lost the list I was keeping to thank individuals. Here are the people I remember: Luke T., Bug Girl, Rebecca, Mlynn, Renata, and more that I can't remember. I shall have myself flogged mercilessly for this transgression. There are two people though, that deserve special mention. One is my girlfriend Anne. Anne has sent so much mail that the US Post office is suffering from severe nasal passage inflammation all up & down the line. The culprit is, of course, heavy perfume. The other thanks goes out not to one person, but an entire family, The Mervines', of New Hampshire. While not quite as much mail has been recieved from them as from Anne, I've gotten confused about which family I'm supposed to go home to this fall. A huge thanks to everyone for all the mail, again. It does wonders for morale.

For those worried about me poking mines with a stick, I present news that may give you cause to shit your pants: I'm considering applying for EOD work. Speakee engrish? That means I'll be doing a more specialized branch of demolitions. Instead of just mines, I would also deal with IEDs and whatnot. The decision isn't final, but I'm considering it. The upside is an immediate promotion and a huge reenlistment bonus. The downside is a 3 year reenlistment, 8 months of school in Florida, and possibly turning myself into pink mist. Back on the upside: if I ever make a terrible mistake, I'll never know it and will be immediately transformed into a messy pinata. And yeah, I AM filled with candy. We both know you were thinking it. Heh.

More updates soon, now that the Army has finally un-fucked themselves.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was beginning to wonder if we'd ever hear from you again.

And you're welcome. :)

Luke T.

5:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How much material is left in that country to make IEDs out of? Last I heard they would take anything as small as a 57 mm shell and try to take humvees out with it. They're got to run out of ordinance eventually.


4:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow-it's good to see you posting again. It would be good to talk to you soon. Miss you bunches. XOXOXXX

7:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As we say in Texas, you, my friend, are a muthafuckin' hoss.

el Miguel

3:39 PM  

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