Thursday, February 24, 2005

Sky Rockets in Flight

Well, I'm in Al-Asad, Iraq now. My sense of wonder is in full tune right about now. Not only am I living in a barracks with showers (thank you, former Iraqi Army), but we have a bitchin' chow hall, px, computer center, etc. Essentially, I've fallen through some kind of black hole and ended up in bizzaro-land.
As far as my job goes, I'm on an OCD team (Obstacle Clearing & Demolition). In a nutshell, I go out and poke at suspicious holes in the ground with a stick, looking for mines. Sounds dangerous, but since the insurgents are using AT mines (That's Anti-Tank), it's fairly safe. Those kind of mines usually require over 400 pounds of pressure. Don't want to waste all that HE on a little foot soldier. So I poke a stick in the ground until I feel a clunk, then another Marine comes over with some c4 and we blow it up. Memories in the making.

Finding a way to update this thing has been difficult. We've been attacked with rockets twice this week. Each time we get attacked, all phones and computers are secured. Don't worry too much, The insurgents, in keeping with arab tradition, aren't hitting shit. We also have about twice as many troops as we need now, since we're in the middle of a rotation. that means all the lines are twice as long as they usually are. Once they leave in a few days, I should be able to update more regularly.

I wish I could say what my next mission is going to be, but we all know & love opsec around here. Once it's complete, I'll be sure & letcha know what it was.

Anyhow, gotta roll to chow and hit the PX so i can buy myself some coffee. More updates soon, with luck.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Fuck you, Desert Internet.

You know, I just typed up a nice, long post all about my events these past few days, and then internet explorer took a shit on me. I haven't got time to retype it either, because I have a formation in a half-hour. So the short version is thus: I'm here alive, I'm going to Al Asad from Camp Victory tonight, and I'll try and find another computer from there.

And seriously, Desert Internet, fuck you.

That Old, Familiar Feeling

Well, I'm waiting on some whirlybirds here in Camp Victory, an Army base inside Kuwait. And I have to say, I feel like Alice gone down the rabbit hole. The army has fucking Baskin Robbins out here. And Pizza hut. And Hardees. And goddamned plush stuffed animals and WOODEN SHIPS in their PX. This is so weird, I'm looking forward to getting out to a FOB (Forward Operating Base).

And on the other hand, it feels like I never left. The wind, the dirt, the Bedouin Tents, the witful and deep graffiti in the shitters, it all came back in a split second. You will all be pleased to note that my readjustment time seems to be about zero. This is mostly due to the fact that there isn't a goddamn thing for miles around to adjust TO. Ah, vast desert expanses, how i have missed thee. No camel spiders, scorpions, or lizards have come around yet, I suspect Sid the Scorpion, after I so benevolently granted him his freedom a couple years ago, went and warned all his creepy-crawly little pals about me. So fuck you, Sid. I have seven months to find you. Insurgents? IEDs? I don't give tuppence about them. No, my search is for a traitorous little insect.

To answer a few questions from when I posted my address: Sending alcohol probably isn't a good idea. It's too hard to enjoy it when you're worried about being busted for it. If you're hellbent on giving me booze, you can buy me a drink when I get back.

Now about that porn: I'm pretty sure my DVD player is regional. I bought it in the states & all that. But as I've said before; Someone, somewhere, can use just about anything you send me. I'll bet there is a Marine out there somewhere with an international DVD player, just dying for german scat porn. So go ahead and send it. I'll find him, make the DVD a generous gift, and extort the ever-loving Sammy Hagar out of him when the time suits me.

If I can get online anytime soon at Al Asad, I'll be sure and post what I've got going on. Until then, my search for Sid continues.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

No Blood for Oil. Plasma for Petrol is fine.

Well, the day I've been waiting for is finally here. Our boots should be on the ground in time for Valentine's Day. Crazy to think that I've been out here for almost a month already. The next seven should fly right on by.

A few other things I thought of that people can send:
UnderArmor Green Tshirts (large) (the ones for hot weather)
ExOfficio Boxer Briefs (large)
Coolmax or Ultimax socks

Uh, that's about all I can really think of at the moment. Most of what needs to be said has been said already. My shit is packed, my weapons are clean. Time to fire up the stereo & get the party started. This may be my last post, if the gouge I've heard about internet access in Iraq was off. Hopefully I'll be able to keep updating. Got my fingers crossed.

A special thanks again to everyone that I've been talking to for the last few weeks. It's good to have so many people I can count on.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

"Jonathan Swift's Irish Mystery Meat"

At long last, my overseas address is available. Here it is:

Lcpl Doody, D.P.
8th ESB (Fwd) Alpha Co., 1st Platoon
Unit 73682
FPO/AE 09509-3682

You can send pretty much anything you think I'll like to that address, with a few exceptions I'll note below. A big favorite is DVDs. We have a whole mess of portable DVD players within the platoon, and they are a great way to zone out for awhile. My personal favorite thing to get are books. Thrillers & mysteries, mainly. We got a box of harlequin romance novels last time, and I must admit, after a few months alone, they get your motor running. If you know what I mean.

If you want to send food, make sure it's non-perishable. The heat over there will destroy perishables. Someone tried sending us some girl scout cookies last time, but when it got to us, all we had was girl scout soup. Hard candy triumphs in the desert environment.

Aside from that, you can let the following help guide you on what to send: "If I was going on a really boring, shitty camping trip, what would I want?"

On the No-No list we have most of what you would expect: No alcohol, firearms, ammunition, drugs, etc. etc. They say that pornography isn't allowed, but it's physically impossible for me to type words that say you can't send it. Aside from their obvious uses, Tobacco and Pornography are the desert equivalent of gold ingots. Anything from a Blackhawk Helicopter to bricks of pure cocaine can be yours if you've got enough cigarettes or XXX money shots to pay for it.

Now that we've covered my two favorite subjects, Nose candy & porn, I'm on to a more serious note. I found out on Sunday that my Grandfather is in the hospital with pnemonia. After having my emergency leave request denied, I sent him an email that should be with him by now. Just in case the words I'm typing out here reach you Grandad, I want you to know that I love you, and you've been in my thoughts constantly in the last few days.

That's all for the moment. I will do my damndest to put in one final update before I leave for Iraq. Then I will do my damndest once again to find a way to keep this thing updated while I'm over there.

Friday, February 04, 2005

If you're gonna be dumb then you gotta be tough

Ah, Friday at long last. Apologies for the lack of recent updates, but we've been pretty busy this last week, and when I finally stagger on over to the internet center, there is a long line waiting to use it. Sorry kiddos, but Dave's stinky balls take priority. No time to wait in line when you've got swamp crotch.

So what exactly have I been doing with my time? This week I finally got some good trigger time on the golf (my machine gun). In fact, I'm the best machine-gunner in the company, according to the hit totals that I ran up on my targets. This will almost certainly result in word spreading far & wide across Iraq against the legendary Lcpl Doody and his amazing machine gun skills. When rebels or bandits see a convoy I am riding in, they will quiver in terror and make messes in their pants.

Okay, probably not. But it really was a good opportunity to get some serious training in. Now I'm hoping for more of it.

We also practiced some riot control techniques and learned more hand-to-hand. They taught us the knockout judo-chop from the bond flicks. I'm here to tell you that it's no shit. I barely got tapped and it stunned me. I'll demonstrate on Andy shortly after I get home. My family gets some peace & quiet, Andy gets a nap. We all win.

Thursday was a nice hump. I have lots of blisters and raw spots. Just looking at them makes me crave pork rinds and steak.

But by far the best news of the week is that Anne is flying out late tonight, and should be arriving on deck between 10:00 and 12:00. I can't elaborate on all my planned activities with her, since this is a family website, but it'll be nice to talk to her without checking how many service bars I've got on my phone.

With that said, I think I'm going to play some video games now. Then I will drink beer, go to sleep, PT in the morning, and meet up with Anne. A good weekend.